Saturday, July 31, 2010

Starting up again

I haven't posted in almost a year. Last time I posted, Jayden was just getting ready to start first grade. Now he is on his way to SECOND grade. Eliana will be starting kindergarten in a couple of weeks, too. I can't believe how big my babies are getting. Of course, on that note, the baby is no longer a baby. She is quite the toddler now. She is so full of personality and independence it's hard to believe she can fit all that into her tiny little body.

I love the way Janea wants to get dressed by herself. She refuses to let anyone help her until she has tried and failed on her own (at least 100 times) first. Even then, she might take help, but reluctantly. She wants to do everything her older siblings are doing. If they are playing with Lego's (everyone's new favorite toy), she wants to play with Lego's, too. If they are running around and jumping up and down, you bet she is there! I'm looking forward to spending some one-on-one time with her when the older kids go off to school before the new baby comes. Yes, that's right...the new baby!

Baby #4 is on his way. If someone asked me in my youth how many children I thought I would have, I would have said 2 and no more. But, here I sit at 5:15 in the morning unable to sleep with baby #4 growing in my oh-so-big belly! This is definitely the last one for us. I feel stretched thin over the three already, I pray that I will be able to balance all four and tend to the needs of each of them individually. This is a big fear of mine. But, I'm pretty sure that is not what is keeping me up at night.

I need to learn to let go of old emotions whether they were significant during the day or not. YESTERDAY, I took the kids to Gilroy Gardens. While we were there, I parked the stroller next to a table in a shady spot so I could watch the kids play in the water play area. Janea got caught in a water stream and needed rescuing. While I was gone, some stupid, selfish woman, moved my stroller into a corner in the sun and proceeded to take over my table! I got so angry (as one would expect) but calling her out on the carpet didn't make me feel better. Perhaps because of the way I handled it ("What the hell? You don't just move someone else's stuff! How the hell was I supposed to find that?), or if I'm just dumbfounded by the rudeness of it all. But, in any case, it was YESTERDAY!! I should be able to let it go and move on with my life, right?? Dave wants me to take some stress management classes. I'm starting to think that might be a good idea. Perhaps SOMEONE can help me figure out how to let things go that do not need to be occupying so much of my brain!

Anyway, I think that's why I decided to start blogging again. Maybe having someplace to express my ups and downs of the day will help me be able to let things go and I will be able to sleep better at night. As of now, I've been up for 2 hours. This happens every night as of late. It's pretty frustrating. It's especially frustrating since I don't have down time during the day during the summer. I have all three kids all day long. Even when Janea is napping, I am still on duty with the other two.

Advice? Input?